Pointless

Everything is going very wrong/bad ... been going that way for weeks now, just under the surface.
Can't do any work at all and I seem to be purposefully tearing down any good efforts i've made recently, in more ways than one.
Stupidly, absurdly, I'm bombarding myself with images of the blackest most tortuous things... immobilisation, cages, cruelty in unexpected new forms -- both the metaphorical and actual ideas of vital living creatures shut into little wire traps to endure in total dependence, day in day out day in day out - my imagination courses one line of thought at a time, relentlessly viewing it from every angle, in microscopic detail.....
I feel that I'm skating on thin ice now.
This almost purposeful (self-) destructiveness seems echoed by the return, after 4 years, of a persistent headache at back of right eye.
I'm taking around 6 codydramol a day atm (NB i have a doc who pretty much takes dictation).