Crucible of addiction

In the last 4 weeks I've taken myself OFF anti-depressants, which I'd been on for 10 years.
I was taking Dosulepin (my script-happy doc had just DOUBLED the dose) and before that Fluoxetine.
I also took myself off daily-maintenance Propranalol, which is prescribed for nervousness, tho i still have to keep it handy.
There were some withdrawal effects of course but nothing physically serious... and nightmare images etc, well I kinda get off on that as an experience, and fighting fire with fire.
So I'm more or less a med-free zone now, as I stopped taking Co-Proxamol (painkillers; codeine-based, so addictive) earlier this year.


In the past 15 years I've been thru two similar waves of dependence and self-withdrawal that are merely part of my history now. These waves diminish in strength starting with heroin addiction, followed closely by fill-the-gap alcoholism. I haven't touched anything I've extricated myself from since, which is over 12 years heroin-free and 6 years alcohol-free.



I have no problem with the fact that I've done these things; anyone who does is superfluous here. I have a huge fund of experience of (under)worlds that would otherwise have been unknown to me, tho I always knew I'd explore them sooner or later. No other factor but this 'need to know' was responsible--e.g. the deaths of my parents and boyfriend in these years were coincidental, not catalytic.

At some later stage I should write about all this, and the other London; details are readily summoned, even though its a chunk of life I never talk about and rarely recall.

I should mention that my long-time friend Alan has NO similar history; despite his somewhat rakish appearance he is actually thoroughly opposed to such things!
This of course is true of all the friends/aquaintances I have now, most of whom were probably completely unaware. In fact I am relieved to have written this, as I occasionally feel I am being deceptive nowadays in not doing.
Dunno tho--there's the mild recreational, and its pretty obvious I'm no saint.
But I've always got kicks out of risky situations and dares as much as anything else (e.g. photo-expedition into unknown downtown Glasgow on Friday nite, 11th of last month)